How to Stop People-Pleasing : and Still Be Nice

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But people-pleasing generally goes beyond simple kindness. You might go out of your way to do things for the people in your life, based on what you assume they want or need. You give up your time and energy to get them to like you. Myers says this is how people-pleasing can cause trouble. You have a low opinion of yourself People pleasers often deal with low self-esteem and draw their self-worth from the approval of others. You need others to like you People pleasers often spend a lot of time worrying about rejection. You might also have a strong desire to be needed, believing that you have a better chance of receiving affection from people who need you.

Are you a people pleaser? I was! In fact, growing ahead, I majored in pleasing others. So I worked at body indispensable. My pattern of over-giving had great benefits—or so I thought. All my relationships were one-sided: me the giver of time and favors and others happy to receive my big-heartedness. It didn't even occur en route for me to question this difference in my relationships; in my mind, that was simply the way the world worked. I never said no to a request.

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